Aging Parents: Part 1 - Long Distance Worrying

On a Wednesday night, around 10 pm, as I sit dozing off in front of the television, my phone starts buzzing with text messages. It’s Mom, in Florida. She is having trouble breathing and is getting nervous.

"Call an ambulance", I texted back. "That's what they're there for."

"I already texted my next door neighbor", she replied, "to be on call if I need a ride to the hospital."

That's just great. Now I get to worry about Mom, a 72 year old woman who smokes, has a history of blood clots, lives alone and was diagnosed with pneumonia earlier that day. The doctor sent her home with some prescriptions and an inhaler. She said she is coughing so much that she vomits and can't catch her breath.

She relies on her neighbor to watch her house and her cat when she is out of town. She says she is trustworthy. However, she is also the live-in girlfriend of a convicted felon who has two convicted felon twenty-something sons. I don't recall ever meeting them, but I sure have heard some stories that involve the police, jail, and mug shots in the news.

"You need to move here" I texted as I kept the conversation going to gain a better idea of how frightened she actually was.

"I know", she replied.

"Wouldn't it be great to see James all of the time?" James is our 9-year old, her only remaining grandchild who is still a child. "If you lived close enough, he could ride his bike to your house after school."

"That sounds great, let's talk about it soon" she texted back. "I'm focused on making it through the night right now" she added.

So, that is neither the beginning, nor the end, of our story with Mom.

We moved from Florida to Iowa 2 years ago and left her there alone. She was invited to come, but was absolutely one hundred percent sure she did not want to move away from "paradise". Even though she missed us and was growing tired of flying to Iowa for every holiday (plus some), she never really considered moving here until that scary evening alone. Next time it might be more serious. And she knows it.

The above incident happened many months ago. She entertained the idea of moving to Iowa for a few months and looked at some properties when she was here for Halloween. After she went home from that trip, however, the conversation turned to how her body hurts when it is cold outside and she doesn't think she will be happy living in a cold climate.

Now what do I do? Go back to worrying and waiting for that phone call from a hospital telling me she had a medical episode and either didn't make it to the hospital on time or that I need to drop everything and fly to Florida for an undetermined amount of time? I guess I have no choice.

My new mission is to find someone who I trust to be her medical advocate, go-to person, ride to the hospital in the middle of the night. Does this exist? I will do some research and let you know what I find.